#72 – Man missing in Cratloe

Early on the morning of August 15th local conspiracy theorist went missing while going into Cratloe Woods in County Clare. Mr Walker spoke to his ex wife the evening before he left for a camping (hunting) trip into the woods. While closed to the public Mr Walker would regularly break this curfew enforced by a fine and jail time of up to three years. His ex wife quoted him as saying “let those bastards try and keep me out of my fucking woods, that’s my fucking woods and I’m goanna get that bastard keeping people from my woods”.

Mr Walker was seen pulling into an area near the woods in his pick up truck. A local woman reported as to seeing him frantically grabbing a bag and lighting a cigarette as he left and hopped a fence into the woods.

Johnny Walker III believes that the reason for the closure of the woods to the locals and general public was in fact due to a lizard monster lurking in the area and hunting those who enter his territory.

His bag, car keys and hat were found around a 50ft radius to the lake. An Garda siochana are treating the matter as mysterious and an investigation is underway currently.

John Walsh is at it again

Professional impressionist John Walsh has been involved in a John Wick type of revenge massacre in Galway this weekend. The infamous John (Juan Sauce) Walsh went on a killing spree with a samurai sword. The reason? A man in the crowd at his latest show called his impressions HORRIFIC and ALL THE SAME MAN.