#209-Eva

Eva,

What can I say about this beautiful soul that isn’t cliche.

All words that come to mind seem so trivial and underwhelming.

To me Eva is a masterpiece, a beautiful spirit who sees my flaws and weaknesses and loves me because of them,not in spite of them.

Her bright eyes,

Dark hair,

That smile that makes me feel as if I’m something more than what I see in the mirror

No judgement and no badness

She’s made me feel like I’m more than what I see,

More than what I think

I couldn’t write and think the same way again,

I’m different now,

I’m more gentle, at least I feel that I am

I feel safe to say anything that comes to mind, the darkness and the pain now seems trivial to me,

I see I’m more than what’s happened to me in my past,

I view life as chapters in a book,

The book of my life

There’s happy chapter’s,

Sad chapter’s,

Painful chapter’s,

Confusing and twisted chapter’s too.

But the chapter’s that she shares with me are some of my favorite and if I’m lucky enough I’ll have at least a few more before I start knockin on heaven’s door.

Sometimes life puts a beautiful soul in front of you.

I’m lucky enough to realize this, at least I think I do anyway.

I feel like the Luckiest bastard in the world at the minute.

Even now when I’m sad or depressed or over thinking I know there’s an amazing person there for me no matter what and that’s more than I thought I’d ever find.

Maybe I’m naive and childish to feel like this but as long as I feel ready to take that leap of faith and take the risk I know I’m alive and unafraid.

Eva,

The name alone sooths my soul,

Makes me feel whole

I feel like thanking god or a god or someone but maybe it’s just the road I’m on maybe it all led me down this path

All the shit and the pain was all leading me to this amazing person.

She’s flawed

She’s funny

She’s gorgeous

She’s dark and mysterious

She’s who I love

She’s seen me at my best and worst and viewed me without judgement,

She makes me believe again,

She’s one of a kind and if I lived a million years

If I lived a billion years

If I ever live to be normal, I’ll never find another Like her.

To me she’s love,

kindness,.

passion,

empathy,

anger and beauty in human form

She’s become my rock,

Now I just gotta stop thinking it’s too good to be true and all a mirage.

Maybe some people do get lucky and find some love,

Maybe there is someone out there who sees you for all your virtues and all of your failures and loves you for the effort you make.

I sit here tonight in my mother’s house,

It’s 2:22am

Everyone’s in bed,

The house is quiet, Charlie is napping on the couch and he’s such a beautiful little dog. His paws tucked under himself like a cat on the couch as his little snores make me smile every few minutes

I feel lucky, I feel lucky in love

Maybe all the pain and sadness I felt was there to help me appreciate the goodness when I saw it.

Maybe that’s the romantic side of me looking for logic in the chaos but I don’t care. I just feel, I feel

Honestly, feeling is enough some days. As I said earlier the words themselves aren’t good enough, they don’t sum up how I feel entirely.

As I sit here and contemplate I’m left with a feeling of optimism.

It’s as if I’ve gotten a hug I didn’t realize I’ve needed for a long time, that’s how I feel. As I said the words aren’t enough.

Eva’s a feeling to me, a special concoction of chaos and love that doesn’t happen very often and I feel like I’ve done something right to be a part of her story.

I just hope I’m at least a good chapter or two in her own book

Me & Eva

15 thoughts on “#209-Eva

  1. I don’t know if it went through. My app has been really silly lately.

    I truly believe that with some minor tweaking, and removing parts about “if” there’s a future, these would make phenomenal vows someday.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I never saw myself as getting married either. Still don’t. My ex and I were together 20 years, we were never legally married although we did exchange vows to just each other with no one else there. They weren’t formal vows, they were just things we wrote and because he got nervous, we simply gave each other our papers 😂 he was my husband although the government never acknowledged it. Marriage is between two people and their hearts. The act of getting married isn’t necessarily marriage. It’s a wedding. One day in a long relationship. The two people make it a marriage.

        And in case I thought I made a mistake not formally getting married, I work at a law firms. Today, I congratulated a man on the finalization of his divorce and he literally jumped around in the waiting room. I know his information because the attorney I work for represents him. He’s 72 with health problems and he was jumping and whooping like he was 13 and got a the video game he was begging for. That’s actually common practice at the firms. You congratulate them on their divorce as you hand them the final judgment. Honestly, I’ve never seen a bride or groom half as happy as I see these people when they know it’s over. So I’ll probably never be married for real in my whole life. Not worth a bit of it. It’s the same drama you have if you’re with someone 20 years, and a hell of a lot harder to get out of. If you want a reception, just throw a party and invite everyone. Why? Eh…you wanted a party. Or because you woke up the day you had the idea and your back didn’t hurt. It doesn’t matter why you’re throwing a party, people will come, drink, and dance.

        Liked by 1 person

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