#172 – weekly update 14/07/2021

July 14th 2021

Back to work today

It’s been 13 days off from work

I feel tired and rested it’s an unusual sense

Time off is needed and I want more but I was lazy

A lot of time on the couch, watching, eating, playing, eating,talking, drinking and my memory of the last 2 weeks is a blur of the same day over for a fortnight. It’s easy to sit there on the couch and let the days just roll on past you, especially the last 18 months. It leaves a feeling inside of wasting time but it’s needed to recharge. I think I just jumped into the check out from the world mindset with both feet. I saw friends and had great days and that’s always a good thing. There’s an empty feeling that something inside of me isn’t being fulfilled. What that is exactly I think is down to acting. I want to act, I want that to be my profession. I already work 12 and 13 hour days and have a mad schedule so why not do what I love. Why not create and be on set with other actors. I need to do some lessons and practice but I’m confident that I can add something to a role that only I can do. Why not me? That’s what I’ve been asking myself much more lately. People can try and fail but most don’t even try. I can go the safe route and keep my safe and respectable job but that can also fail on me too and there’s many ways that can happen in my line of work. So I’ll keep asking myself why not me? And I’m going to stop my almost decade long procrastination from the craft. I want to study, learn and use this craft. I already act on a daily basis like most of us so why not learn how to be great. I needed to write that and have it down somewhere for myself. If I’m ever going to do this it’s now otherwise I’m just a talker and not a do-er. What a wild and uncertain life but how wonderful does it sound.

So guys rant over there and what I did the last 2 weeks was as follows. Red dead 2 online A LOT I mean I played this an obscene amount the last 6 months honestly but it’s such an impeccable and masterfully crafted world. I can keep exploring forever it feels like and the new updates too keep me hooked. I watched a lot of TV some movies, spent most of yesterday doing a Titanic based jigsaw that I am loving. No picture just a murder mystery story and we piece it together from there.

I had some of my friends over on Friday for some drinks, food and some card games as well as a nice drunk game of cards against humanity. The only way to play the game is with some dark dark humour. Last Friday seeing people over to my house and even setting up for everyone was exciting and felt like normality. I need more days like that in the near future and I want to go out with them and not think about a fucking mask. The thoughts of getting ready for a night out now feels like booking a conference and the walk ins versus reservations in places. I’m tired at the thought of it and the mask wearing awkward feeling when you’re out steal some of the joy. It still beats Lockdown but then again a punch to the face hurts less that that shit. To say I’m over Covid 19 is an understatement.

I haven’t written here for a week and didn’t know what to talk about first. I don’t know if it’s a good read but it’s what I was thinking. I hope you’re all good out there people!

I think I’ll go make a cup of coffee.